Dear Nanny,
As I get older, it finally sinks in that you are no longer here, after 7 years my memories are starting to fade. I try to cling to every last recollection that I have of you. There are certain memories that have stuck well in my brain, and I probably will never forget them, at least I hope I don't. I remember your smile and your laugh, and those big sloppy kisses , that I wish I could go back to. I can vaguely remember how your voice sounded. I never want to forget that. I catch myself closing my eyes to try to remember it, playing your voice over and over in my head so that I can ingrain it in my memory. I always thought you were invincible, incapable of leaving us. You were not supposed to be taken away so soon. My heart was broken when I heard the news. I don't think I had experienced a pain to that level in my entire life. At first, I was in denial, numb to the thought that you were gone. It wasn't until Christmas and my birthdays, that I realised you weren't coming back. Holidays are not the same anymore. In fact, I almost dread them, I won't ever get another birthday card from you, or an amazing painting you’ve created. They don't have that happy cheer in the air like they did when you were alive. There is a sadness that hangs in the air because we are all thinking silently how we wished you were there, and there will always be that hole in our hearts from Grandad no longer being with us, and now an even bigger heartache without you aswell.
You know what broke my heart the most though? It was seeing your child, my parent, cry uncontrollably. I watched them lose their loved ones, and I saw the pain that it caused. It scared me, because I don't ever want to lose them like how they lost you. I can't imagine a day without my mom or dad. I still see the pain that it causes and how it doesn't go away. There are good days and there are bad days. I wish I could have seen you more so that I could have more memories to remember you by. You would have loved my bunnies, with matching hair colour to yours haha, and I know you would be so so proud of my uni work. You would have been so proud of everybody in the family.
I know though that you are watching over us. That is where I find comfort in the loss. I ALWAYS look at the stars and moon knowing you are up there. I always hold your photo so close to me. I know that one day I will get to see you again, and I really can't wait for it. I hope I have made you proud. I hope that all that I have accomplished and will accomplish makes you smile from ear to ear.
For now,
I hope you're at peace
love you so much Nanny, missing you incredibly x