to the friends who don't give up on me, when all i want to do is give up on myself

After a very negative evening, this post is aimed at one of my friends (TS) who saved me the other day and reminded me that there is hope for the future, but it is also aimed to those, like my best friends, friends from school, friends I have gained through the struggles of mental health, family, teachers and any of those who have constantly helped me… this post is to you

To the friends who don’t give up on me when all I want to do is give up on myself. I’m now 20, some of you have known me since I was 4: others I met when I was 12. Some I have only known a few years, yet others I have just met this year. Although length of time doesn’t matter, what does matter is that you’re still here. You’re still walking this rough and dark path with me. You have done everything from send silly videos or encouraging words to sitting with me while I cry my eyes out trying to fight those self harm urges. What you’ve done isn’t important now, what is important is that you’ve been there and continued in whatever way you can.

I’m sure its not easy being on this dark road with me, and I will never forget the pain that I’ve brought upon, I’ve probably panicked you, annoyed, worried, and I’m sorry. It would be a much longer, darker and scarier path without you. I can say thankyou over and over again but it never seems enough. It seems so trivial to use the same phrase someone uses when another person holds the door for you, to use the same “thankyou” when I am so grateful you’ve saved me from suicide, self harm or any other negative moment. I just need you to know I am incredibly appreciative.

Thankyou to those who try and understand that I am not broken or different, thankyou to those for accepting me despite when I’m being crazy or harmful, I’m sorry you have to see me in this way. Thankyou to those who bring me laughter and bring out the hyper side of me to distract myself from when these demons are too much for me to handle.

Lastly thankyou for loving me regardless of what my mental state and for being there if I ever need anyone. Some of the friends I had around me have come and gone but the few people who have stayed have made a huge difference in my life. I’m pretty sure I have some of the greatest friends on the planet. Being mentally ill is hard enough so I am forever grateful for the friends, family and others who have stuck by my side through this. YOU ALL MAKE THIS LIFE WORTH IT.