dear friend i am writing this to say sorry
dear friend i am sorry that i am not that fun, happy friend i used to be, you see the dark controlling thoughts which consume me like drowning in water
dear friend i am sorry you had to see all my self harm injuries all over my arms, body and face, i wish you didn't have to see that, it must have had such a negative impact on you
dear friend i am sorry i caused you all that anxiety, you would be constantly worrying whether i would make it alive through the night, whether i would reach the next morning without being abused and destructive
dear friend i am sorry for ruining things for you, like i would always moan and tell you about the horrors of my family life , you were struggling yourself and i definitely didnt help anything at all
dear friend i wish i could reverse time and make our 18th year a happy one filled with lots of cheerful memories, however it was filled with dread, regret and negativity
dear friend i am sorry for constantly messaging you with my eyes full of tears because i cant deal with the grief, this must have upset you
dear friend i am sorry
dear friend i am sorry but friend i am so thankful for you being there... without you, the thoughts would have got more controlling, my self harm would have got even more out of control, i might not have made it to the next morning, so i cant thankyou enough, and i cant even begin to comprehend how much you mean to be
i am so thankful, words cannot explain my appreciation for you always being there
dear friend thankyou and i am sorry...